Balance
What do you want to be when you grow up? My goal was always to be happy. How I would arrive at that happiness has changed over the years.
For a really long time I associated happiness with being successful in my career. The plan was to work really hard to get into college, work hard in college to get an internship, work hard in the internships to get a job. Then I’d be happy.
I had fun, had great friends, but avoided what I felt would be a distraction from my path to happiness. I avoided being in relationships because I did not want anything to get in the way of what i wanted. I always knew that I’d probably need to move away for my career, and I didn’t want anything to hold me back.
At the end of my college career, I saw this quote from Lady Gaga that I fell in love with, it became my mantra in a way.
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”— Lady Gaga
But then something changed. Maybe it was starting my career, maybe it was finally having a serious relationship… maybe it was seeing people who put everything into their careers and then losing it. I’m not sure exactly what happened to make me believe what I believe now, but my outlook on life has definitively changed.
I still want to be happy. I think everyone does, hope everyone does. But this is still the end goal for me.
But I don’t think happiness comes from just chasing your career and ignoring the rest of the parts of your life. Contrary to what that quote I once loved says, sometimes, your career DOES leave you. If you put all of yourself into that one facet of your life, if you wrap up who you are in that one little thing, what happens when that part is gone?
Life is about balance.
You can’t wrap your self worth into any one piece of who you are. Things happen, careers end, relationships end… you need to have the other parts of you to help you get through when one part fails.
So that’s how I am choosing to live my life from here on out. In search of a balance. I want a great career doing something where I feel I make a difference, feel like I’m being creative and being valued. I work towards that end goal, but I don’t let it consume me.
I’m open to possibilities, in all areas of my life now. I open myself up to the possibility of having a relationship, I make myself vulnerable, and I’ve been hurt more times this last year than ever. And you want to know something really crazy?
I’m a happier than I’ve ever been.
